DEAR ABBY,

My sister-in-law “June” is being married soon. I will be the matron of honor. My husband, “Jake,” June’s brother, will be a groomsman for her fiance, “Jimmy.” Not only is Jake going to be a groomsman, but he’s also supposed to officiate.

Jake went to the bachelor party a couple weeks ago and Jimmy showed all the guys — including my husband — eight (!) naked pictures a girl from work had texted him. He asked my husband if he should tell June about it before the wedding or after, and Jake said he should tell her right away.

Should my husband tell June or leave it up to Jimmy, who may or may not do it? (We don’t know what his plans may be about the girl who sent the pictures.)

— RIGHT THING TO DO?

DEAR RIGHT THING,

Jimmy may or may not have “plans” for a fling with the woman who texted him the pictures — or it may have already happened. (He could also be an immature braggart, which is why he shared the photos with the other “stags” at the party.)

Because Jake now has concerns about Jimmy’s character, he should reiterate to Jimmy that if June isn’t told before she makes a lifetime commitment, he will tell her. He also should refuse to officiate at a wedding he fears may be a huge mistake.

— Everyone deserves proper care

DEAR ABBY,

My husband has late stage dementia and is in a long-term care center. He had several affairs during our marriage, and if the tables were turned, I’m sure he would be involved with other women while I was receiving care.

I realize I should have left him years ago. I visit him several times a month but not every day. I do it out of commitment, not love. Sometimes I feel guilty for not going more often.

I guess I’m asking you for permission to see him when I have time but not every day. I also would like to encourage people who have lost faith in their spouse to make the break before any serious illness sets in.

I have no interest in finding another man, but I feel tied down with the burden of seeing him through to the end.

— HANGING IN THERE, Ohio

DEAR HANGING IN,

Have a realistic talk with that conscience of yours. Surely the two of you can reach a compromise. This is not the time to punish your husband for his infidelity.

Under the circumstances, because you don’t feel your husband deserves to be visited daily, visit a couple of times a week to ensure that he is being properly looked after. And if he isn’t, make it your mission to ensure the situation is remedied, as you would want someone to do for you.

— Way behind, behind the wheel

DEAR ABBY,

This is embarrassing. I am 30 and don’t drive. I have extreme anxiety and a learning disorder that affects my visual spatial perception. I try to hide this as much as possible, but I’m worried the truth will come out. Should I disclose it to employers? New friends?

PANICKED, Pennsylvania

DEAR PANICKED,

If there is a medical reason for your inability to perform certain tasks, your employer should be informed. However, I see no reason to reveal this to acquaintances or new friends. Fewer people drive these days, and many of them don’t because of the expense involved or access to public transportation.

— Plot afoot to leave hubby behind

DEAR ABBY,

My son just got a job in Europe and has invited me to visit when he and his family are settled. I have never traveled out of the country, and I’m excited to go. I suggested staying at least a month, and he and his wife agreed.

When I told my sister, she excitedly told me she’d like to come along. We would be very happy to have this time together because she lives across the country, and we don’t see each other often.

We are in good health, but her husband has many health issues. He falls a lot and has had concussions while using his walker. He coughs almost constantly, uses CPAP at night, takes multiple medications throughout the day and needs to stop often to rest and catch his breath. He also needs frequent naps.

We are all around 70, and sis and I want to go while we are still in good health. She has not told hubby about the monthlong trip to Europe because she knows he will want to come. He would not be alone at home. Their two adult children and four grandchildren live in their large home and can assist him.

I’m thinking the best way of letting him know the trip is out for him would be to have his doctor explain why it’s not advisable. Any other suggestions would be most appreciated.

— EUROPE-BOUND

DEAR EUROPE-BOUND,

If your sister truly plans to take a monthlong trip to Europe while her husband has one foot on a banana peel, then SHE should be the one to break the news to him. If she needs backup, I’m sure the doctor can explain to him why it would be too risky for him to tag along.

My questions would be, how do your son and his wife feel about you bringing along an extra guest (guests?) for a month, and if something terrible should happen to your sister’s husband in her absence, could she live with the guilt?

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

Jeanne Phillips, who writes under the pen name Abigail Van Buren in honor of her late mother, who created “Dear Abby” in 1956. She can be reached by visiting www.DearAbby.com or by writing to P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069

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